I stopped breastfeeding Amy a week ago and haven't said anything anywhere because I'm afraid of being judged by pro-12m+ breastfeeders.
My first bubba, Jack, was the worst breastfeeder. Right from the start he screamed and fought breastfeeds, and we ended up in a routine of me having to walk around the house jiggling around while breastfeeding him so he'd stay calm. If I so much as spoke while he was feeding he'd have a tantrum. He had his first formula top-up at eight weeks because I was so sick of the Maternal & Child Health Nurse's program of using the breastpump for ten minutes after every feed to increase my supply. At five months I replaced his bedtime feed with a bottle because I simply had no milk at that time of day, and a slow weaning program saw him have his last breastfeed at eight months. I was so glad it was over.
Second bubba Amy has been the opposite. After the first two weeks breastfeeding has been simple and it was wonderful to be able to leave the house knowing I could breastfeed quietly in public - something I could never do with Jack. I tried several times to get her to drink expressed milk from a bottle and she wouldn't have it. At six months I finally convinced her to take a bottle, and as I'm searching for work I replaced one feed a day with a bottle of formula. We casually adopted a slow weaning plan and a couple weeks ago we got down to two breastfeeds a day. As it did with Jack at this point, my body gave up on having milk ready at feed times and the remaining breastfeeds became very difficult. One of the last two remaining feeds was swapped for a bottle, and then last Sunday it took so long to achieve let-down, leading to Amy getting very upset, and I knew it was the last feed. Despite breastfeeding being so simple this time she was weaned at exactly the same week as Jack.
This is a major thing for me, having spent most of the last three and a half years pregnant or breastfeeding. My body is my own again! I went to Myer yesterday and got professionally fitted for three brand-new (25% off) underwire bras. I can have a drink without calculating how long it is until Amy's next feed. I can get a new tattoo (if I save up all my pocket money for a year and convince my hubby it's okay). I am happy.
And yet - I haven't mentioned this major event because I feel guilty about being happy about stopping breastfeeding. Even though this time I managed to get to six months without using formula, which I so badly wanted to be the case with Jack, I still don't want the women I know who happily breastfeed for twelve months or more to think I'm flippant and selfish. This is what the 'Mommy Wars' does to a grown, rational woman even when she's achieved her personal goals. I realised it's important to me that I do say something as a bid against the Mommy Wars, to say I believe we can all be proud of the jobs we do as mothers and none of us are in a place to judge another mother for using formula, or breastfeeding a toddler, or whatever is best for our individual families or personal sanity. And none of us should be afraid of the imaginary judgement of imaginary mothers, the way I have been.
That's my Mummyhood Confession. Find more at All Work & No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something. (Love the Simpsons reference!)
10 comments:
Yay! You joined in! :D
Why is breastfeeding such a horrible point of contention for grown women? Gah! I have a pacemaker that made it impossible to breastfeed (because there was a big chunk of metal implanted in my mammary glands on both sides at one point or other!) and I still felt guilty.
Good for you for achieving your goals! Don't let anyone tell you that you need to do something else. You are not selfish.
Great first confession! I love reading them all. :D
The militant brigade really are a minority. Most intelligent women would agree that how and when you breastfeed is about what is best for each individual case.
I have four children and fed for 9m, 12m, 14m & 16m.
Each child was totally different and fed for that amount of time because of individual needs. Nobody can tell anyone what is right for them and their baby.
Cheers and don't feel one iota guilty, you have done a great job.
Even though I'm not a mum, being of the mummy age and listening to eons of conversations about it, it makes me so angry that women are judged as to whether or not they breastfeed.
There's no right or wrong. It's a woman's choice and it depends so much on other outside uncontrollable influences. Anyone who judges should go and jump in the lake!
Jennie, you are the only one who knows what is best for Amy. No-one else can tell you what or how to feed her. The important thing is that you are meeting her needs and yours. If that is the case then it doesn't matter how it is done ...
It's shit that we are made to feel guilty for so many of out mothering choices, being a parent is certainly hard enough without being judged for every little decision.
You have done so well getting to this point & you should be celebrating the fact that you did so well to bf as long as you did & that you have two beautiful, happy, healthy kiddos.
We've spoken before about the trials & tribulations of early breastfeeding & I was so very happy for you when your experience this time around was more successful than with J; you have a lovely period to reflect on now without negativity... don't ruin it! ;)
I am having my own issues; not with guilt so much as not being ready to deal with the fact that my wee man is actually weaning himself (he quite honestly eats more than Punk does in a day) so soon. I bf Punky until about 17mo so for Spence to be already to be down to a max of 2 short feeds at this stage is a bit of a shock, but as Jo said every baby is different.
Enjoy having your body back, you deserve it!
No mother should feel that her decision is up for harsh critisim. I think that you are doing what is best for you and your child and that is all that should matter. you're a food mom and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Hooray for underwire bras! I can't wait! Thanks for being brave and sharing your confession. No judgement here!
I remember sage words from my mother when my daughter was brand new and the feeding fascists at the hospital were harrassing a woman who had decided she was NEVER going to breastfeed.
It was something along the lines of - if a woman had decided she was not going to breastfeed then it is my job as a midwife of nearly 30 yrs experience to help her feed her baby the way she chooses.
It is a personal choice and has to be made to benefit both the mother and the baby.
Congratulations on your getting your body back.
I must confess that I miss underwire bras. :)
I'm glad your bf experience with Amy was so much better than with Jack. And even as a militant breastfeeder/supporter of breastfeeding, I fail to see any reason to be guilty of weaning when the baby is ready to do so, as she clearly was. ;)
Ooooh, naughty you.
Kidding!!!
6 months exclusive feeding is a fantastic effort, especially after your first time and how crud it was. Well done you. And like you, I need to stop the constant self-judgment, which comes in the form of those imaginary critics. Of course there are many perspectives on every aspect of parenting/mothering and there will always be someone holding the opposite view... But we can't have everyone's approval now can we?!
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